she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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