Your mouth is God's brothel.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
