i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
