Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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