I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
