guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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