Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
