a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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