if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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