Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
