Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
