fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
