I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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