Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
