just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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