im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
