Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
