I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
