I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
