so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
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The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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