So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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