He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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