there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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