drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
