Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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