this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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