She announced her abortion via fbk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
