chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
