Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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