My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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