I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I party with great urgency now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
