You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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