you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
