My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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