I'm really into asian looking animals
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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