So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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