If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
