wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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