I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
