**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
