I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
