so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
