New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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