make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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