It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
