I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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