no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
