we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's just so happy...and so naked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
