It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
