She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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