that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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