Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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