I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
third nipple confirmed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
