Just fell off a train. Bad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
