in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
