Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
