shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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