so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
