me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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