I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
