3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
