Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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