Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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