I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
