Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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