you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
