I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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