She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
